My boyfriend has a nicer house, and says I should live with him. My mortgage is paid off. He believes I should pay half of his monthly costs. Is that fair?

Dear Quentin,

My boyfriend owns a home with a 30-year mortgage balance of $150,000 at 4% interest. He has $275,000 in cash and a retirement account. He’s retired.

My house is paid off. I have $50,000 in cash and a retirement account. I want to retire within one to two years.

We want to live together but cannot agree on a reasonable “rent” to pay. He is not willing to live in my house because it has less amenities.

He believes I should pay half of his monthly expenses at his nicer, more expensive house. He could pay off his mortgage and save $600 a month, but he prefers to have cash.

I gave up that luxury and paid off my mortgage. Now I’m working on building up my savings. I don’t feel it’s fair that I have to pay half the cost of mortgage interest.

I don’t know what repair and maintenance costs I should budget for, if I don’t have equity in his house. There are many views, none of which is fair.

These are the choices he made:

· I live in his house and can therefore rent mine. Pay him half of what I get from that rental.

Pay half the actual cost of living and upkeep of his house while I live there.

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· Pay him what I pay to live in my current house for taxes, insurance and utilities: $800/month.

What do you say, Moneyist?

Landlord & Girlfriend

Dear Landlord,

I’m sure your house is just as beautiful. And just because he believed in it, didn’t make it so. If you don’t pay the mortgage on your own house, I don’t believe you should pay an extra red cent to live in his house.

Meaning, you shouldn’t be giving up this deal to pay extra, just because he (a) wants you to live in his house and (b) help him pay off his mortgage, or taxes and maintenance. .

You both make different choices: Yours is to have a free and mortgage-free home, so you can spend this time accumulating your savings for retirement and / or rainy days.

You’ve worked hard to pay off your mortgage, and you have $50,000 in savings, less than 20% of your boyfriend’s savings. He had $150,000 left in his mortgage, and it was his choice.

If his goal is to get help paying off half of his mortgage, he can find a tenant to do it for him.

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You are not the answer to his long-term financial plans, you are his life partner. If his goal is to get help paying off half of his mortgage, he can find a tenant to do it for him. What friend expect from you? Forget what he expected.

The way he’s approaching this deal, it sounds like he wants the equivalent of laundry detergent and fabric softener – girlfriend and renter in a handy bottle to keep his financial plans running smoothly. Share and clean.

Bottom line: You shouldn’t compromise any of your nest-building plans. The woman is not to spin. Only agree to his plan if – with the help of a real tenant in your home – it also works for you.

In other words, the desired outcome is more important to you than the offers he makes. He can save $600 a month! That’s his job. Not yours. What do you want in your monthly bag?

Find out what friend want, and then work your way back based on that goal. For example, if you can pay him $800 a month, charge him $1,600 in rent, and put $800 into your savings, do it.

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You have come a long way. Don’t let these negotiations affect that.

Payment procedures Moneyist’s personal Facebook group, where we seek answers to life’s toughest money problems. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, let me know what you’d like to know more about or consider on the latest Moneyist columns.

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Also read:

I built a 23-unit real estate portfolio while we were dating. How much should I give my fiancé during our first stay?

‘We won’t outlive our money’: How can we give $10,000 to our niece and nephew without offending the rest of the family?

‘I hate cheap’: Is it still acceptable to go to a friend’s house for dinner with just a bottle of wine?

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